I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
