at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
