we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
