I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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