Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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