Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
