YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
