Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
