You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
