I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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