Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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