mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
