I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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