how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
