how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
