Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
