I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
