i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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