i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
