I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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