Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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