what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
