You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
