i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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