He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
