Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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