I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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