Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
