I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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