Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
