You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i think i just lost a toe
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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