and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
