and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
