Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
