Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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