hell yes lets make some ravioli
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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