11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
