my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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