How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
