The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
