Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
