I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
