Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
