She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
