There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
