i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
