And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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