Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
