drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
