He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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