Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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