I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
