Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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